


Depression

by Petri808



Series: Fairytail Short Story One Shots [5]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Depression, F/M, Heartbreak, Love, Love Confessions, References to Depression, Scars, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2018-10-08 03:44:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10377159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petri808/pseuds/Petri808
Summary: NaLu Short story.Lucy thought her world was perfect, she finally had the love of her life.  Then all of a sudden something changes... He changes and her world came crashing down.  Depression sets in but will it end her for good?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one is kind of sad with a somewhat happier ending. Pulls from my own life experiences.

_Present time._

She sits on her bathroom floor holding the razor to her upper arm.  With no hesitation she drags it across the surface of the skin, tiny beads of blood break through and trickle down her flesh.  Her eyes roll back and flutter a little from the sting, but it's just physical pain.  She'll do anything to dull the emotional turmoil she's feeling, living through; anything to deaden her heart ache.

Looking down at her naked body, the fresh cuts, the healing scars on her thighs and arms; the more she looks, the more depressed she becomes.  She just wants to make the hurting go away.  Her body trembles through the heavy sobbing, she takes another long draw from her bottle and puts the blade back to her arm.

But the more she drinks, the more intoxicated she becomes, and the less of a control she has on what she's doing to herself.  She fails to realize the slashes to her arms are getting dangerously deeper.....

 

_Flash back 6 months._

She loved him more than life itself.  The first boy she ever fell in love with.  He told her he loved her.  He took her virginity.  He even gave her a ring but then something changed; he changed.  It was like he was a completely different person to her.  At first she thought maybe he was cheating on her, but as far she could find there was no other girl.  So why was he being so nasty towards her?  The things he would say were so spiteful, so merciless.  Had she done something to push him away?  No, even their friends were shocked by his personality change.  This just can’t be the Natsu she fell in love with, he’s never been so cruel……

 

_5 months._

Levy- "Lucy, it's got to be someone controlling him with magic.  You know Natsu loves you."

"No.  I don't know what to think anymore." The tears trickle down her cheeks.  "He's been so callous and cruel towards me, it hurts, hurts so bad.  I, I don't think I can deal with it much longer." _'I can't go on living...'_

"Please don't do anything rash.  Master is trying to get to the bottom of it, if he can only figure out what kind of magic is being used."

"I don't wanna talk about this anymore!"  She screams holding the sides of her head.   _'Why Natsu?  Why did you hurt me like this? Aaah! What I do to deserve this?!  Because I'm weak, I'm not good enough for him.  Maybe I don't deserve him...'_ "I'm sorry but I gotta go, I need a drink."

"Lucy, you've been drinking an awful lot lately."

"It's nothing, is it really such a big deal if I wanna get drunk?!  It helps deal with the pain!"  More tears spill down her cheeks as she rushes away and heads to a nearby liquor store.

"I'm really starting to worry about her....we all are"

 

_4 months._

She walks into the guild hall and looks around to make sure he's not there.

Erza- "Hey Lucy, wanna go on a mission or something; get away from here for a little while."

"Not really." She replies, her voice raspy and monotone. 

"Don't you need to make some rent money?"

"Yeah, but I just don't know how I'll perform right now."

"Come on, we'll pick something easy and just us girls will go, me, you, Levy, Wendy; how about it?"

"Alright fine, I guess it wouldn't hurt." _‘And I’ll be able to buy more alcohol..’_

During the mission she tries her best to hide her depression, but her thoughts slowly take their toll on her.  This is the first mission since they had become a couple that Natsu wasn’t with her and it was killing her inside.  It only makes her feel even more alone.  The girls try hard to lighten her spirits but nothing works.  Seeing her friends hurting for her only adds to her misery.  ' _See you don't deserve friends, they don't need a weakling like you.'  'Shut up!  Shut up!  Shut up!'_ She screams in her head.

 

As soon as they return to a Magolia, she buys a bottle of pain killers and swallows a handful washing it down with whiskey.  Curled up in a fetal position on her floor, her stomach cramping from the pills she calls for death to come and take her; take her out of her miserable life.  

Sensing that something is desperately wrong Loke appears.

“Lucy!  Oh my God I’ve gotta get you to a hospital!”

“Nooo,” she slurs, “No hospitals…”

“But Lucy, You’re…”

“Please Loke! don’t want anyone know…”

“I’m not going to let you die!”  Picking her up he teleports her to a healer woman he knows who is able to stop the overdose.

When he brings her home he puts her to bed.  “Please Lucy; just try to get some rest okay.  And don’t scare us like that; we don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m sorry, I won’t try that again,” she whispers.  “But Please don’t tell anyone Loke...”

    

_3 months_

Wendy- "Um, Lucy-chan how are you doing?"

"Fine."

Levy- "You don't look fine, your eyes are blood shot, and those bags under them…. You've got us all really worried about you."

"I'm fine; just don't really feel like talking."

Wendy- "Master thinks he's close to figuring out what's wrong with Natsu."

"I don't care anymore."

Levy- "Lu, stop talking like that.  By the way, I've been meaning to ask you what's with the long sleeves and sweat pants; you don't normally wear clothes like this."

"So I don't feel like dressing up."

Levy- "Yeah, but..."

Sigh, "Could you guys just drop it. I'll see you later."  She walks away.

Wendy- "Where are you going?"

"To get more alcohol."

 

_2 months_

Gray- "Natsu, what the hell's your problem?"

"Why do you care?"

          _‘Why don’t I care?’_

"I just don't get it, One minute you were head over heels for her, the next you turned cold and mean.  Are you cheating on her?"

"No."

"Then what's your problem?"

"I don't know."

          _‘I still love her, but…’_

"Do you have any idea how much pain you're putting her through??"

"I haven't seen her in a while."

          _‘Every time I think of her, my head would make me say things…It was safer to stay away’_

"No one has.  She won't come out of her apartment.  She's been drinking a lot, and she even started wearing different clothes; I think to hide something."

"Hide what?"

"How the hell should I know!"

"She'll get over things."

          _‘No she won’t she’s fragile, but I can’t control myself…’_

"Ugh, how can you be so indifferent to her!"

          _‘I don’t want to be!’_

~~~

"Levy, have you seen Lucy lately?"

"No Erza, she hasn't been by the guild in a couple of weeks."

"I'm really starting to worry about her."

"Me too. I tried to stop by her apartment but she wouldn't let me in."

"I think she’s been losing weight."

"Her drinking is getting really bad too."

"Yeah I found her passed out just the other week in the park; she had two empty bottles of sake next to her."

 

_1 month_

Lucy hasn't been to the guild in over a month.  Holing up in her apartment she only leaves to get more alcohol and a little food.  Her friends have tried to visit her but she refuses to open the door.  When her spirits stop by she forces their doors closed.  She doesn't want them to see what she's been doing to herself....

Makarov- "Erza I think I know what spell someone has put on Natsu.  But I believe Lucy was the actual target."

"What do you mean?"

"The spell, it's making Natsu act like that only to Lucy, maybe to push her away; drive her to the brink."

"The brink of what!"

"Suicide."

"The drinking, the change in her appearance, losing weight…. This is bad! Master you've got to break that spell and soon!"

 

_Back to Present time._

Makarov- "Gray, bring Natsu to my office.  Erza you come too just in case."

Natsu- "You need something Gramps?"

"Gray, Erza hold him down!"

"Hey what they hell are you guys doing to me!"

Makarov begins to chant, "Spásei To Xórki Tou Mísous! (break the spell of hatred)."

Natsu drops to his knees and clutches his head screaming for several agonizing minutes.  Finally his hands drop to his sides and he utters, "Lucy.. Oh no, what have I done.."

"Natsu? Don't blame yourself, someone put that spell on you; you couldn't control yourself."

"I, I've gotta go."  He bolts out the door.

 

"Lucy!!" he screams as he jumps through her window.  "Lucy!! Where are you??"  No response.  He frantically searches the apartment.  Empty bottles of alcohol litter the place.  Her usually clean and organized apartment looks like a hurricane came through.  Finding the bathroom door closed and locked he begins to bang his fists on it.  "Lucy, open the door!  Lucy, can you hear me??!!  LUCY!!!!”  Still no response, he hears nothing… absolutely nothing... but smells; **_'Blood!'_**.

Panicked he breaks the door down; rushing in he finds her crumpled on the floor in a pool of coagulated red liquid.  He sees the razor blade in one hand and the open wounds to her arm.  "Oh my God, Luce..."  he whimpers.  Seeing all the marks on her arms and thighs he now knows why she wore the long sleeves...  His heart shatters as he cradles her body. Her pulse is very weak, her breathing shallow, her lips already turning a shade of blue, "Lucy, please don't die on me!"

Bundling her up in a blanket he runs as fast as he can to the guild.  Screaming for Wendy to follow him he heads straight for the infirmary and places her on a bed.

"Wendy, you've got to help her please!" he bawls.

By this time Makarov, Levy, Erza, and Gray have also rushed into the room.  They gasp when they see her condition.  Levy has tears in her eyes, "Lu-chan.."  The cuts and scars mar parts of her body, the gashes to her arms are the worst and she's lost a lot of weight.  Her once smooth white skin has an ashy look to it.

"Please tell me she'll be okay!" he screams

"I can stop the bleeding but with that much blood loss, I don't know when she'll recover."

"Lucy please don't leave me!" he weeps onto her chest.  His sobbing becomes so intense he's almost heaving.  Levy places her hand on his back.

Choking back tears of her own, "I'm sure she'll make it, she's a strong girl.  She's in good hands now."  Giving Wendy a weak smile.

Anger fills his mind threatening to take over his soul, "Who the hell put that spell on me!!"

"Natsu we don't know, it was probably someone that wanted Lucy to kill herself."

"Kill herself?  But why!?  I don't think she has any enemies."

"There is someone, and she's closer than you'd think."

Erza- "Loke what are you doing here?"

"We were all getting worried about Lucy so I started digging around.  There is one person who showed up here 6 months ago, just before Natsu started to act different.  When I threatened to make her disappear again and for good this time she confessed."

"Who is she??" screams Natsu

 

Virgo walks in with Lisanna in handcuffs, her head is hanging down.

"You tried to kill Lucy!"  Natsu rushes at Lisanna but Gray and Erza grab him.  "Let me go!" he roars.  "How dare you!"

"I wanted her out of the way, out of _our_ way."

"What do mean _'our'_??" he growls

Looking straight at him with a sinister grin, "I wanted to take you away from her.  I loved you before she came along!  But She took you from me so I was eliminating my competition! If only Gramps hadn’t figured it out she’d be dead now!!"

"You Fucking Bitch!  There is no us, there never was, it was all in your own fucking head!  Get her out of here, Get her out of HERE before I kill her!!" he bellows.

Makarov hurries Loke and Virgo outside with Lisanna.  From his office he calls the authorities and reports the attempted murder by use of a spell.  "Would you please escort her to the magic counsel’s enforcement division for us Virgo, Loke; Mest is already waiting for you."

"With pleasure." The 3 disappear.

 

Natsu drops back down next to Lucy's bedside.  Wendy does all that she can to heal her and wrap up the wounds.  Refusing to leave her, everyone leaves them alone in the room where he continues to weep silently.  The smell of her blood staining his clothes is wretched, nauseating.  But he has no intention of leaving her side. 

 

 _Two_ days pass by and she still had not awoken.  Erza, Levy, and Gray go to Lucy’s apartment to clean up and grab some clothes for her.  Wendy checks on her throughout the days, trying to assure Natsu that he found her in the nick of time.

 

By the _third_ day, Gray forces him to at least take a shower and change his clothes once a day, "You don't want to stink when she wakes up do you?"  Mira brings him food but she doesn’t say a word; for the time being she’s unsure of how he will react to her knowing it was her sister that tried to kill his beloved.

 

But for the majority of the time, it's just him alone with Lucy, left to his own reflections. _‘I should have been stronger for her…tried to resist that spell. I knew what was happening around me yet…was I too weak to fight back? Maybe I don’t deserve her… Sigh, a drink would be really great right now to dull my senses. No way, I can’t do that. Look at what it drove her to… I need to just suck it up and be strong, for the both of us!’_     

 

On the _fifth_ day, Wendy checks Lucy's wounds which are closed up now and healing nicely.  Her breathing and heart rate are also back to normal.  She explains to Natsu that some of the smaller cuts will heal but the deeper ones on her arms will leave scars.  It devastates him that she'll always have a reminder of this horrible time in their lives.  He only hopes that they will be able to overcome it. 

 

 _Day 6._   It's mid-afternoon and Natsu has his head resting on Lucy's cot asleep, his hand clutching hers.  Some twitching wakes him up; he raises his head to check on her but her eyes are still closed.  Assuming he was only dreaming he puts his head back down.  A few minutes later, she squeezes his hand just a little.  Bolting straight up, he looks at her and see's eye movement under her lids.  "Lucy?" he whispers softly.  More eye movement.  "Lucy??" he whispers a little louder.

Slightly opening her eyes, "Natsu.." her voice barely audible

Tears rush down his face, "Lucy I'm here."

In a whisper, "When I was drifting away, I heard your voice calling for me."

"Drifting away?"

"Dying." His whole body shudders at that word.

"But something pulled me back."

"Shh, Lucy, it's okay. Your alive, that's what’s important, you just need to get your strength back."

With a light nod, she closes her eyes once more and falls back to sleep.

 

 _Day 10_.  More fully awake, Lucy is sitting up in bed now. Levy had just told her the whole story, the spell; about Lisanna. "I had no idea she felt that way, I guess she only pretended to be nice to me."

Natsu just sat quietly holding her hand as Levy told the story.  Even though it was the spell that was controlling him, he still felt guilty for what happened.

"Levy, could you give us a few minutes alone?"

"Sure Natsu.  I'll check back on you guys later."

"Lucy, I, I.."

"Natsu, don’t; I know what you're gonna say."

"But it was my fault."

"You were under the spells influence."

"Maybe if I had just shut Lisanna down years ago this wouldn't have happened."

Lucy chuckles quietly, "You don't know girls very well.  Even if you had done that, she still would have kept trying to get you back."

“But still look what I drove you to.  Every time you see the _sc-sc..._ you’ll be reminded of what happened.” 

“You mean the scars don’t you.”  She frowns.  “I’m sorry I did that.  The alcohol wasn’t working, and I promised Loke I wouldn’t try to overdose again, but I was so desperate to make my heartache go away.  Will you…. love me any less because of them?” she murmurs softly

“Of course not!  Wait, you tried to overdose yourself?”

She nods, “On a handful of pain killers. But Loke found me and got me to a healer before…” trailing off.  Natsu gulps at the thought.

“Lucy, I love you so much. This is killing me, how much pain you were in.” he hangs his head.  His bangs are covering his eyes but she can see droplets falling from them onto the bed.  “I don’t even know how you don’t hate me right now.”

“Please stop crying for me.  None of this was your fault.  As soon as the spell wore off you rushed to find me and you saved my life.  I can’t be angry at you for any of this.”

He looks back up.  Her brown eyes have brightened.  "So you're really not mad at me?"

She shakes her head no.  “I love you too much Natsu.”  She smiles and squeezes his hand cheering him up.

"So, then can I put this back on your finger?" he holds up her ring.

She nods her head and raises her hand.


	2. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the portion of this story submitted to NaLu Angst Week 2018- Broken prompt

She sits on her bathroom floor holding the razor to her upper arm.  Why had it come to this?  Her life had finally been perfect, free from her father’s rule, with so many friends from all over the kingdom, it was the happiest the blonde had ever been in her whole life… And then it all came crashing down around her.  Well, she couldn’t say she didn’t still have all those friends or wasn’t a part of something special, but the most important part of her life seemed over and that made all the rest of it meaningless.

“Why Natsu?” taking a deep swig from her bottle, chocking between the sobs. 

Nothing mattered any more to the blonde summoner, not her appearance or health, nor the state of her apartment.  Trash was piled around because she was too tired or drunk most of the time to take it out.  She hadn’t changed her clothes or even bathed in days and hell in her mind, she was already dead, her body just needed to figure that out. 

 _‘You disgust me!  You’re weak, you always hold us down!  I don’t know what I ever saw in you!’_ his hurtful words circled endlessly through her mind.  _‘So pathetic…’_   “I am pathetic.”

Dragging the sharpened metal across the surface of her skin, fresh beads of blood break through and trickle down her flesh onto the tiled surface already littered with drying stains.  Her eyes of cold and impassiveness roll back a little from the sting, but it's just physical pain.  She'll do anything to dull the emotional turmoil she's feeling, anything to deaden her heart ache.  But sadly, the pain grows weaker and she must cut again, and again just to get that mind-numbing sensation back…

_‘Look at you, you ain’t as pretty as you think you are.  In fact, you’re getting fat, maybe you need to lay off all the junk food!’_

Looking down at her naked form once curvy and vivacious but now sunken and gaunt, with all the fresh cuts, the healing scars marring her thighs, and arms; the more she looks, the more depressed she becomes.  If only the hurting will just go away!  Sobbing aloud, she takes another swig from her sake and puts the blade back to her arm.  But the more she drinks, the more intoxicated she becomes, and the less of a control she has on what she's doing to herself. 

She fails to realize the slashes to her arms are getting deeper…..

 

It took Makarov 6 months and after consulting with other wizards about what kind of spells could possibly cause someone’s personality to change like in Natsu’s case he finally believes he has the answer and more importantly a way to reverse it.  He asks Gray and Erza to bring Natsu to his office one afternoon. 

Natsu walks in like any other day, "You need something Gramps?"

"Gray, Erza grab him!"

As the two mages grab his arms, he’s screaming at them, "Hey what they hell are you guys doing to me!"

Makarov begins to chant, "Spásei To Xórki Tou Mísous! (break the spell of hatred)."

Natsu drops to his knees and clutches his head screaming for several agonizing minutes.  Finally, his hands drop to his sides and he utters, "Lucy... Fuck, what have I done..."

"Natsu?  Don't blame yourself, someone put that spell on you; you couldn't control yourself."

"I,” jumping to his feet, “I've gotta go," and bolts out the door.

 

"Lucy!!"  he screams as he jumps through her window.  "Lucy!!  Where are you??"  No response.  He frantically searches the apartment, empty bottles of alcohol litter the place, and her usually clean and organized apartment looked like a hurricane had blown through it.  Finding the bathroom door closed and locked he bangs his fists on it. "Lucy, open the door!  Lucy, can you hear me??!!   LUCY!!!!”  Still no response, he hears nothing… absolutely nothing…but smells; _‘Blood!’_.

Natsu panics and breaks the door down; rushing in only to find his fiancé’s crumpled and naked body on the floor in a pool of tacky red liquid.  He sees the razor blade in one hand and the fresh gashes still seeping on her arms. "Oh, my Mavis, Luce..."  he whimpers.  Seeing all the marks on her arms and thighs he now knows why she wore the long sleeves...  His heart shatters as he cradles her body, _‘this is all my fault!’_   Her pulse is very weak, her breathing shallow, her lips already turning a shade of blue, "Lucy, please don't die on me!"

Bundling her up in a blanket he runs as fast as he can to the guild.  Screaming for Wendy to follow him he heads straight for the infirmary and places her on a bed.

"Wendy, you've got to help her please!"

By this time Makarov, Levy, Erza, and Gray have also rushed into the room.  They gasp when they see her condition.  Levy has tears in her eyes, "Lu-chan.."  The cuts and scars mar parts of her body, the gashes to her arms are the worst and she's lost a lot of weight, almost as bad as a walking skeleton.  Her once smooth white skin has an ashy look to it.

"Please tell me she'll be okay!" Natsu continues to scream

"I can stop the bleeding but with that much blood loss, I don't know when she'll recover."

"Lucy please don't leave me!"  he weeps on her chest.  _‘Mavis, what have I done!’_


End file.
